Well it's 2015 now and things have stabilized quite a bit, mostly in a good way, but of course I'm going to focus on the bad here to get it out of my system.
My ex hates me more than ever before. Dropped off a "birthday card" for me saying that she had planned on writing a bunch of hateful things to me, but instead won't be the angry one and will just show that the card is from an observatory we had planned on going to view the star she had gotten for my brother. My first response was anger, of course. How dare she be so rude? But, after like 10 minutes, it turned to sadness. I fucked up her life. Of course she's going to lash out at me. I built her up and tore her down several times. I was a complete and utter asshole.
I'm not sure what it was about her that brought out that side of me. Perhaps it was the intensity of the passion I felt for her. Perhaps it was the amount of testosterone I felt coursing through me when she was around. Or perhaps it was just the way we treated each other on a day to day basis that brought out the complete douche in me. I look back and regret some of the things that were said and done, but I'm trying to move forward now. I don't want to linger in the past any longer.
I hope she manages to heal and be happy as well.
On the home and family front things have been chaotic. My Nana has been in and out of the hospital several times recently. I was trying to stay positive, but when I went to visit her, it hit me hard. While writing about my ex brought clarity and relief, writing about this topic only brings sorrow so I'm going to move on.
T's family issues aren't looking good either. We might be going to visit them soon.
I feel the need for a solid 3-day vacation where nothing is required of me except for relaxation and recuperation. Hopefully things get better from here.
